In the never-ending quest to bring balance and fulfillment to my chaotic life, every once in awhile I do what I call “hitting the reset button.” I’m pretty sure other people call it this as well, but for the purposes of me, I’m owning it. Recently I’ve been running into a few walls/challenges/can’t wannas in most of the major areas of my life and I have therefore once again hit the reset button on the following:
5. Intellectual Stimulation
I have somehow managed to bounce back from my dismal showing in the last 5K I ran. I threw myself a big ol’ pity party for a day or so and then realized that I didn’t actually like feeling sorry for myself and that I actually had to work at feeling bad about myself. It was a kind of weird moment of self awareness. I seemed to think simultaneously, I SUCK SO HARD and also, WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF IT’S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL AND ALSO I FINISHED THE DAMN RACE ISN’T THAT A GOOD THING??? Yes, it was one big all-caps run on sentence going on in my head. I’m choosing to not feel bad about that either. Somehow, I managed to crawl out of my own ass long enough to have a couple of really good runs. Since I’m participating in a 8K at the end of September, I decided to follow Hal Higdon’s training plan and start from the end of week 2. I’ve done every run (almost – I had to stop a mile and a half into a 2 mile run last week because I started getting light headed. Hey, look! Another thing I’m choosing to not feel bad about!) and have felt really good and strong about each one. I’ve decided that I don’t really like running outside all that much, so I figured I would do my during-the-week runs at the gym on the track which (will also enable me to work on my strength training program) and then I’ll do my long run during the weekend outside. I’ve been doing pretty well with keeping up on the strength and cross training too, so I’m taking this opportunity to pat myself on the back. Good job, me.
Oh, weight loss. Why are you so elusive? Well, I really do know why. It’s because I eat like crap even if I think I don’t. Am I recording everything I eat? No. Why not? Because it’s too much work. Here’s a little piece of wisdom I’m sharing with myself: If it’s that difficult to record it, then there’s TOO MUCH TO RECORD. Yeesh. It’s that simple, really. Stop eating a bunch of crappy stuff that makes me feel crappy and start eating stuff that makes me feel good. Eventually, I will look good. Period.
I spend way too much time stressing about work stuff. I’m so much better at this than I used to be, but there is still a lot of room for improvement. I made a bit of headway this Sunday when I decided to not make an elaborate cake for my boss’s birthday. I’ll probably still make the cake and bring it in at some point, but I’ll do it when I want to.
This includes a couple of things. First up, there’s housekeeping. I’m a pretty clean person, but that has not been evident by the state of my house lately. It’s one of those “can’t wannas.” I can’t wanna dust. Can’t wanna do laundry. Can’t wanna put that carton of almond milk back in the refrigerator. It seems like every task is insurmountable. I’ve decided that the solution is to get to a place where I’m maintaining and not doing deep, intensive cleaning every month or so. To that end, I will be tackling a room in my house every day of the week, Monday through Friday. I’m only going to take 15-20 minutes to clean, so that should be totally doable. I’ve already started this week and am pretty happy with the results. That should help with the other part of the equation. I’m definitely NOT neat. I really kind of hate to put things away (they’re so much less conveniently located that way). But when things are orderly, my head feels orderly. I feel much more relaxed which means that I can enjoy the things at home that matter, like The Boy and The Puppy. I feel like when I spend time with my guys I’m always thinking about something else that I should be doing. That is going to stop. I want to enjoy every second I have with them to the best of my ability.
I am desperately worried about becoming intellectually stagnant. The Boy is SO good at doing a crap ton of research on things he watches and reads and listens to and really internalizes and thinks critically about things. He is an active reader, watcher and listener. I take it in, think about it a bit, discuss it with him maybe, but then I forget about it. Literally. Like, sometimes he’ll reference a movie we watched together and I will not recall ever seeing the movie at all. Besides being a bit scary, it’s frustrating. I’ll be doing some research to see how I can try to retain what I take in a bit better. I know I would enjoy things more if I could think about them later and actually recall details.
Whew! That’s a lot of resets. There are, of course, other areas of my life I need to work on, like seeing friends and family more often. I’m going to start with these, though, and see how it goes.